i’ll keep on holding my head up high, but it’s so fucking painful
without school i honestly think there isnt much meaning in me living at this point
mode may not have gone to college but thats only bc she’s stranded all by herself abandoned by her family without any support whatsoever. if she could i’d bet she’d take college in an instant.
i do have that support. i do have that luxury. but i still failed so hard.
i think deep down past all my posturing about my beliefs i honestly do believe in reincarnation. its the best form of afterlife, because you could always improve yourself. you could always be better than what you are.
i dont want to wait 60, 70 years to die. i dont want to spend all that time as an empty human being. just cut me off.
but when i think about my mom and dad and my bro and how devastated they’d be if i killed myself i just hesitate
but what other road is there? its harder than anything to find a new school to study at if you’ve been kicked out from one.
honestly, evaluating my options, fulltime could be a bit of a stretch? night classes are probably more viable. i dont like the fact that its only 3 times a week but what can you do. its for those who work.
i think back to that one chick in em2. i think back to that one girl who quit in secondary school. what about them? what did they do? what did they choose?
i really want to know. what lies before me? what can i do?
right now, there’s nothing more in the world that i want than an answer to those questions.